Ask Dr Faye

Anonymous Question: DrFaye, I have been there for people who were not there for me when I needed them. I thought I had forgiven them, but sometimes the hurt comes back. Does that mean I really have not forgiven them?

Answer: No. Remembering what hurt you does not necessarily mean you have failed to forgive.
Sometimes the heart heals in layers.
You can make a sincere decision to forgive and still have moments when a memory touches a tender place. The question is not simply, “Do I remember?” The better question is, “What am I doing with what I remember?”
Acknowledge the Hurt: You do not have to minimize what happened in order to forgive it.
Release the Debt: Forgiveness means you stop requiring the past to become different before you allow yourself to move forward.
Keep Your Wisdom: Forgiveness does not require returning every relationship to the position it once held.
Guard Your Peace: When the memory returns, do not give it permission to move back in.
Some people were part of your life for a season. You can appreciate what was good, learn from what hurt, and continue forward without carrying bitterness with you.

Transformation Thought: Healing is not forgetting what happened. Sometimes healing is remembering without allowing the memory to control your peace.

Readers may submit anonymous questions at AskDrFaye.com.

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DrFaye
Pastor Coach™ | Author | Speaker | Host of Around Town with DrFaye