Strange Complaints

If you hear an annoying amount of laughter coming from my backyard, just ignore it. If you happen to choose to investigate that laughter and peek over my fence and see me shooting my oldest dog in the face with a water hose, just ignore that too.

Yes, I’m aware that it looks like I am waterboarding my dog, but I assure you, the dog asked for it.

Maggie has a weird relationship with water hoses. She loves them. She also wants to eat them and if you’re not quick enough, she also wants to eat your hand if you’re the one holding it.

She loves water.

She especially loves to chomp on water like some half crazed hippopotamus with cinnamon colored fur.

Since it’s been so hot, I decided to play with my backyard hippo by shooting a little water at her backside.

She immediately lunged at my hand and tried to eat the water hose attachment. I mean, sure she was laughing at the time that she did it, but my hand didn’t know that.

The only thing I could do as far as self-preservation goes, was to fire my water hose repeatedly at her face to try and persuade her to go another way, rather than the “eating daddy’s hand” choice.

I did not mean to basically waterboard my own dog, honest.

She didn’t know that, of course which is why now every time I go outside, my dog will come and stare at the water hose and then me. Back-and-forth those eyes go until I get the message and turn on the water.

Then it’s daddy versus the water kaiju while my dog laughs and laughs.

Maybe, I mean, I think she’s laughing. She may be drowning. I don’t know it’s hard to tell with her face.

All I do know is I will need to solicit donations from y’all to pay next month’s water bill if this keeps up.