Strange Complaints

It’s just ridiculously hot out there.
In my 20s, I worked offshore for about a year and a half so I’m well aware of how hot hot can be. There’s nothing quite like 100° temperatures where there’s nothing around you except water to reflect the sun back up to you so that it’s 110° in the shade.
There would be overhead drains in case you got some sort of chemical on you where you could pull the chain and water would rinse you off. People may or may not have used those toward the end of a shift just to cool off before going shower.
Allegedly.
My point is I’ve been hot before but this feels above and beyond the boundaries of decency. Maybe it’s just because I am in my 50s now and my body has decided that I’m too old for this nonsense as far as trying to go outside is concerned?
I’ve got a perfectly good HVAC so why the hell would you want to go outside?
I’ve got dogs, I say. They need to go outside to do their business because we don’t want them going #2 indoors as a work from home initiative. No, we want that firmly established as an outdoor activity.
Of course, my dogs are a lovely combination of old and so that I have to literally put a timer and only let them out for 3 to 4 minutes at a time otherwise they nearly collapse from heat stroke.
So maybe my body is onto something?
It’s ridiculous. I’m fairly sure I saw a blue jay explode into flames. The last time I took the dogs out, and I’m not sure that’s a good indication of how the rest of this summer will go…
We’re not even the hot part of summer yet.

I suppose all we can do is try to survive and look out for each other. What I mean for this, of course as I need you all to look out for me.
Eventually, I’m gonna have to go to the store in this heat and there’s a good chance you’re gonna find me laid out on the concrete just like my dog is often laid out on the grass… panting and dying from heatstroke.
Throw some water on me or something.
If it’s too far ago, just say a prayer for my soul and tell my wife I blame her for making me leave the house at all..

Excuse me while I go tell my HVAC how much I love it…