Strange Complaints

If we’re being honest here, I wasn’t sure that I was going to survive long enough to write this column. I’ve been in some dangerous situations before, but this one might’ve been at the top of the list.

I went to Belk during their closing sale.

At first, I thought it was harmless fun going into a store that my sister works at. As soon as the door closed behind me, however fun was not the word that came to my mind.

Chaos.

Chaos was the word that came to my mind as there were approximately 5000 people in that store all searching for the best deal that they can find.

In the bedding and pillow section alone, there seem to have sprung up a small village of people that were helping each other and building small huts so that they could endure the sale until the really good stuff came out.

In the men’s wear section there seem to be a small group of elderly men intent on purchasing all the dress shirts that made the mistake of going in arms reach of them.

It’s a known fact that dress shirts make an old man more powerful, which is why I do not choose to wear them as I would be unstoppable.

Nobody needs an unstoppable idiot.

Then, of course, there was an entire clique of people hunting around the appliances and cookware. I’m gonna imagine that Cuisinart alone had a 32% increase in revenue worldwide from just this one little store.

Eventually, after she had purchased enough to make renting that pack mule a good investment, my wife allowed us to leave the store with my wallet tremendously lighter.

Who knows she may even use the things she bought in a year or two…

OK, OK. I guess I’ll be serious for a moment and say that I kind of hate that we were going to going out of business sale at Belk because I don’t really want Belk to go out of business.

Once they’re gone, that little corner of town is gonna be dead, and I would much rather see Stuttgart grow than see it wither away in some places.

I understand it’s hard though to compete as a clothing store with the two giant box stores we have in town but I do hope at some point something else decides to move in there.

I also hope that everyone who works at Belk finds someplace else to work because I know for some it’s their main income.

Actually, if you’re hiring, then my sister might want to talk to you as she’s one of those people. One of the better ones I happen to think, but I might be biased.

Assuming I survive unpacking this mule I’m putting everything into the house… I’ll see you next week.